geek? or: words mean things
It took me a while to settle on a tagline for my blog. I’m a chronic over-thinker, so it felt like whatever I chose had to be just right. Since the name of my blog is, well, my name, it seemed important to come up with a tagline that represented me accurately. The problem is, I’m a lot of things. Most people are. All of those Things That I Am don’t fit nicely into one small line at the top of my virtual space, so I had to narrow it down.
I knew I wanted to focus this blog loosely around writing and technology, two of my great loves. “Exploration” seemed like the perfect word for this venture. I tend to look at most things in life as adventures – I’m always learning something new, always finding room to grow. As important as experts in any field are, I am wary of the title because I think it implies a certain level of understanding that resists the need to learn more. I hope never to be so sure of myself in any one area that I stop asking questions or being open-minded to fresh ideas. There is always something new to explore. So, “explorations.”
But, “geek?”
That’s a different story.
I am a lover of language, of linguistics, of dictionaries and thesauri. I get excited when I learn a new word and all of its meanings and uses. I’m a fan of grammars and punctuation, but I’m also a descriptivist by nature. I don’t believe in the All-Knowing Power of Standard Language, with the ten tons of privilege it implies. Yes, I get annoyed by the failure of some to recognize the difference between “they’re,” “there,” and “their,” and I’m a total sucker for the serial comma. But I try hard to check myself before I judge others for their own grammar/spelling/punctuation deviations. It’s just not that serious, y’all.
Above all, I am a big believer in the idea that Words Mean Things.
They do – they really, really do. They mean things. And yes, those meanings are culturally ascribed, they are inclined to change, they are sometimes silly or nonsensical. But they still mean things, and those meanings are important.
I can’t for instance, just walk around telling people the sky is orange when it’s a clear day with no storm in sight. Or rather, I could do that, but people would look at me funny. And rightly so, because the sky is not orange on a clear day, it’s blue. And blue means something very different than orange.
But that’s a simple example. A more consequential example would be using the word “gay” to mean stupid or worthless. There are awareness campaigns for just this thing, because word usage has such incredibly real consequences for the lives of many. For this reason, I am a fierce examiner of my own language and the language of those around me. I don’t always get it right, but I try.
So, geek.
I’ve long since called myself both a geek and a nerd, and those were the first words I thought of when trying to describe what I’m doing here in my little pixelated corner of the world. I love computers, I love Internet memes, I think programming is super cool. I use the term “super cool.” I am a total bookworm who, if properly engrossed in a good book, will not even set it down to use the restroom (oops! tmi). I LOLspeak at home often. I just asked Jake what makes me geeky, and he gave me the wide-eyed “duh” look and said, “Um, you’re blogging about writing and technology, right now.” So there’s that.
The honest-to-dog truth about how I chose between geek and nerd? This Chart. I figured I’m decently smart, with a good level of interest in nerdy things, and can hold my own fairly well in social settings. So geek it is! In light of my Words Mean Things rant, it’s a little embarrassing to admit that my path to Geek was so simple. But I went the descriptivist route and stuck with the masses, and here we are – “explorations of a geek.”
However! What does the word “geek” really mean? If you Google it, you’ll see that there are a plethora of current definitions. Back in the day, it started off its life as a synonym for “fool”, and eventually became the name for a sideshow performer – a person who did something especially bizarre and oftentimes creepy. They were the people on the very edge of the edges, the spectacles, the outcasts. They were certainly not the ones you wanted to be associated with. During my own back in the day of k-12, geek (and nerd, and dweeb, and dork) was certainly not a compliment. And yet, here I am, choosing that own label for myself, along with all the other self-imposed geeks of the world.
I don’t mind being associated with such a fringe crowd. I have my own experience on the fringes, and I’ve grown to love my inability to fit neatly inside any one box. I don’t want to fit in for the sake of fitting in, or scale myself back to appease the peanut gallery. I get to choose to step outside of the mainstream, where the circus performers of old may not have had much choice at all. But because of them, I’ve found a word I can relate to and feel comfortable in and wear with a tip of my hat to those that came before me. I get to tuck myself inside of this box, that isn’t really box-shaped at all.
I’m a lot of things, after all. And “geek” just happens to be one of them.
Posted by erin | 3 comments
